Development

Happy Easter.

from pkolino.com
I'm working in Paediatrics at the moment. I have been learning about child development.
I do wonder sometimes: Who is developing more? The children or me?

I follow a nice woman on YouTube who once talked about a book she bought called a Gratitude Journal (apparently there's tons of them on sale nowadays, and even Oprah has one!). Everyday, she writes one thing that she is grateful for in the journal, and it puts her in good spirits for the rest of the day. She also said that often, when she thinks of something new that she is grateful for, she is inevitably reminded of loads of other things, and she is struck with the sense that the blessings in her life massively outweigh the lack.

That point resonated with me because I once came to the same conclusion after doing a similar activity. I intended to write down on a piece of paper just a few things about my life that I was grateful for, and then I would pray about them for a little while. But like the nice lady on YouTube, after some initial hesitancy, I found myself quickly filling the page, one point leading to another, and then another would pop into my mind, and so on.

I guess I wanted to bring this up because when I am deciding what to post on this blog, I recall what I am currently going through and thinking about, particularly on this journey of writing stories. I'm aware of my tendency to dwell on the bad things, and in doing so, often don't appreciate the good as much as I should.

from Radiohead's "Daydreaming" music video,
an example of sad artwork that I talk about here.

If I am not careful, I could even end up writing my stories like this. It comes naturally to me to fixate on our deficiencies. Moreover, I tend to gravitate towards sadder novels and sadder artwork in general; the ones that elucidate weaknesses in us. I think I get a great deal of satisfaction from discussing weaknesses, partly because I am motivated to improve, but also because I do not rely on people for ultimate hope. We change, and therefore, we are not reliable. We let each other down. But when I admit this about myself and others, my hope isn't shaken. I can understand how those who deeply rely on others would have a hard time agreeing with this point. We are discussing standards that we commit to, and that are so fundamental to our lives. I think we have an emotional commitment to our standards.

In conclusion, I do not think it is bad to criticise and mourn. Yet, I am learning the value of praise as well as lamentation. Rather than having a tendency for one over the other, I should raise them both up in my estimation.

I feel fear because I am tired of the day-to-day in my medical degree, when I need to be motivated to work. Yet, I also take the time to appreciate the massive development I have experienced in my confidence and clinical skills since the struggle-filled process of getting into fourth year.

With both the negatives and the many more positives in my mind, I say Happy Easter to you. If you are feeling down, I hope I can encourage you to look out for the good and the positive, that glimmer of light in amongst the darkness, for "...the darkness has not overcome it."

SI