Not many people who know me know that I watch Made in Chelsea. It's not the kind of programme that oozes cool... or masculinity for that matter. But honestly, those things aren't really why I'm embarrassed about admitting this particular indulgence of mine. Rather I'm embarrassed because of how I got into the series. Let me explain.

I remember in sixth form, quite a few people would discuss the previous night's episode of MiC. I used to laugh at the fact that it was mostly boys who discussed it. I used to tease my male friends for watching it. But then one night I went on 4OD and watched an episode of MiC for the first time. At the end of that episode, there was an enticing preview of the next episode, so I watched that too. Then I watched the next one, and so on and so on. So now that I too watch and enjoy MiC, it's my past arrogance that embarrasses me.

The cast went to see 'Highasakite' - an interesting but unrealistic choice
Episodes of Made in Chelsea consist of these pseudo-reality social scenarios involving the 'cast', a strategically selected group of friends and acquaintances. It's confusing at times. You're left asking yourself, 'How much of this is real?' In fact, I think part of the entertainment for me is in trying to answer that question each episode! One moment, you see a power couple crying their eyes out over news getting out that one of them cheated the night before, and you think to yourself, this situation actually seems legit! They are being filmed as they respond to something that actually happened. A real mistake was made, with costly consequences on an actual relationship that, at least at that moment, matters to them.

Can you spot the cast members 'enjoying' the music?
But then later you see the cast all turn up to the same gig to see an indie band they would never voluntarily see, in Camden or somewhere else they would never voluntarily visit, and you become highly skeptical of the entire scene. You see them all dance, but not like one would at an indie gig. It feels unnatural somehow, like they're acting out their enjoyment, they're acting out appreciation of the music. They're like extras in a movie scene set in a disco, except the lighting has fallen perfectly on them, and nobody else in the room. Their facial expressions are all consistent with whatever the problem of the episode is, whatever is wrong with their love and social lives. The camera catches them as one of them glances at another: a begrudging death stare, or a beckoning look, as if to say 'I want you'. And what amazes me the most are those times when the music fades, so that you can hear a small group of them have a quiet and personal conversation, even though they're meant to be in a busy nightclub. The background music is so quiet, if you weren't watching the screen, you'd think you were listening to them chatting in a shop aisle. It's scenes like these that make me think, 'They're not even trying to be believable here...'

I honestly believe Binky's predicament here was genuine
I made reference to relationship breakdown earlier - there's plenty of it in MiC and at times it truly stuns me. I can see how it creates drama, drawing the viewer in. But it happens so frequently it's almost normalised, and it is certainly what you come to expect from these characters. Close friends betray one another and fall out. People lie and gossip. They form allegiances and make enemies. And similar to Eastenders, no romantic relationship goes to plan. There must always be infidelity somehow. I cannot imagine what it would be like to have such a damning self-fulfilling prophecy hanging above my head.

The issue of relationship breakdown is so pivotal to this show, so clearly it resonates with people - both with the viewers and the cast. We desire love. We desire intimacy. We desire to be with others. Therefore relationship breakdown really hurts. If it happens to us, it's not just a trivial detail in our personal narratives. It can consume our thoughts. MiC is a bubble and, dare I say it, it is a microcosm of the world surrounding it, where people let each other down. And indeed, the cast of MiC and viewers like myself may be desensitised when trust is squandered and yet another relationship on the show falls apart, because it always happens.

Whenever I take a step back and think about what I'm watching, I'm reminded of how destructive these most dramatic parts of the show are. Or, at least, they would be destructive to me, if it were me on camera, and I were in their shoes. But the show always makes it look like they manage to keep it together in the end. Maybe they do. Or maybe it's down to strategic editing; the makers of MiC, working their TV magic. Maybe it's down to that continuous Instagram-esque colour filter.